My Life as a Musical

Without meaning to upset people I need to start this post by saying I don’t normally like musicals. They don’t make sense to me (one of many things). People are doing normal things and then suddenly burst into song (and dance) which doesn’t seem to relate. I find it distracting from the story.

Having said that I am discovering that when I am happy and functioning autistically my echolalia tends towards the musical side. Someone will say something quite in context but my brain automatically picks anything that is remotely like a song lyric I have heard and then it is off and singing the rest of the song, totally oblivious to rest of the conversation. If I am really happy then the words just have to fit the rhythm of a song and I am humming or singing. And, of course, anything that is a mondegreen is fair game.

At this point I have to put in the disclaimer. I have no idea if I can sing or keep a tune. I haven’t yet been so happy in random public places that I have burst into song, but the shower gets regular performances, as does the garden, and my regular walks. A couple of times at work I have noticed I have been humming. I think that is a good thing. It means I have happiness at work.

I would like to know if I can sing. It is something I have often wondered. Well, any idiot can sing, I wonder if I can do it to a standard that people would enjoy listening to. Not that I have any desire to stand up in front of people and sing. So, I guess that explains why I have never pursued a professional opinion of my singing. Maybe some day I will have enough unallocated money to pursue this purely for fun’s sake.

My husband notices me randomly singing or humming. He doesn’t bring attention to it at the time because he knows it means I am happy. If anyone points out that I seem to be exhibiting signs of happiness then I stop and analyse myself to work out if I am happy, and why I am happy, and then I stop the being of the happy, because that is spontaneous. My husband tells me later, so that I can remember that I was happy, and just enjoy the fact.

Random singing and humming is so much more enjoyable as a mental pastime than the cyclic thinking or over analysing that happens when I am not balanced. I think I will enjoy my life as a musical, even though I don’t like musicals.