I have been having a good week, I have been doing lots of happy stuff. Meeting with autistic friends, doing things things I love that make me happy. So I had no idea why, when I got home from work last night, I sat in my car and howled. This morning I didn’t get out of bed, it was 12.02 when I finally managed to pull back the covers.
I thought if I could do things autistically, do things I love, that my ability to function would sky rocket and I could be like a normal person, just an autistic behaving one. Apparently it doesn’t work that way.
Even if my ants are happy, and working together and getting stuff done, they still get days off. I had all of my ants rostered on together on those happy days. Last night the ant union came in and called them all off site. I can feel a few showing up for work now, but I think I will be on a skeleton crew for the next couple of days.
So, now that I realise (probably again) that I don’t have unlimited ants, I need to look at my ant rostering system. Living autistically takes less ants than constantly masking, so I can do more autistic stuff than I can do masked stuff, but there are still limits to what can be done.
And, I’m out of ants again.
I'm not broken 