So many mornings I wake up with a great subject in my head to write about, but then the day happens and the writing doesn’t. I even had a list next to my computer of these great subjects, so that when I had the right frame of mind I was good to go.
Life is going well, I am still working on balance. It would be so much easier if we didn’t need money. Jobs are usually to other people’s schedules. I could do so much more if I could just randomly do it when the head space allowed, and then I could do what I wanted. Not in a goof off and get nothing done sort of way, I think I would be way more productive if I could do tasks when I have the headspace for them, rather than spending so much effort on having the right headspace for when the task is scheduled to be done.
Working evenings is good, in that the place where I work is more casual in the evening space, less regimented. Oh, no, you are autistic, you like routine, you should prefer the more regimented times. Well, the more regimented times also have a lot more people there and a lot more things going on, so more noise, more distractions and more things I don’t like. Also, I refute the assumption that autistic people like routine and things to be the same. I like to know what is happening and what is going to happen. If I am in charge of me then I know both of those things because they are what I will choose them to be. If someone else is in charge, then I lose that knowledge and the only way to know what should be happening now, and what will be happening next is if they are always the same or someone is constantly updating me. The latter would be a nightmare of information overload, so boring routine it is.
My workplace has an autism support group, I discovered this last week (after being there over six months). I am in the process of making contact with this group to see if I will feel supported by it. It was a big scary step telling my bosses boss that I was autistic and finding out what the organisation might have by means of support. I hope my boss doesn’t feel slighted by me going over their head. I was working on the assumption that if there was going to be a bad reaction to me asking about autism support that I would rather it be from someone I didn’t have to deal with every day.
Major, major thing that has happened. In the last fortnight I have cooked at least four times. Once was reheating a casserole and cooking some vegies to go with it, another was choc chip Anzac cookies, another was damper and there were two versions of apple crumble, but still, I COOKED, voluntarily, with no prompting, nagging or even subtle hints. You mightn’t think it is a major thing but that would be four more times than I have cooked in the four years before that (microwave reheating does not count). And the really amazing things was that I did it because I wanted to and doing it made me feel happy. And I didn’t get sick afterwards. Not in a ‘my food is so bad you get food poisoning’ way but usually me being domesticated happens just before I shut down massively.
So, I think my life is heading in a generally positive direction. I am trying to make haste slowly. I think I may actually be able to make it as a functioning human being, and really hoping I can be a super happy neuro divergent one.
I'm not broken 