In the past week I have said ‘no’ TWICE. Not just a ‘no thank you I don’t want a coffee’ but BIG LIFE NO’s.
I was going to apply for a permanent position where I work. Kind of feel there is an expectation that we casuals are supposed to want to better ourselves. While I would love a day shift position with guaranteed hours, they are highly customer focused roles. I was told that the way to get to the non customer focused roles is to do one of these jobs and keep applying for transfers. Doesn’t seem like an efficient way to do things to me. Anyway, did the rough draft of my resume and answers for the selection criteria and got my supervisor to look at them for me. Over the weekend I came to the realisation that I REALLY DON’T WANT the roles that are on offer. And the ‘maybe’ of getting a job that I might like at some stage in the future is just so wrong. So I decided ‘no’. Just not worth it to me. The risk to reward ration just isn’t in my favour. I would rather go and dig in my garden, it will make me much happier.
The real kicker is that after applications closed for the positions our supervisors informed us of how we could go about submitting expressions of interest for acting higher duties. That is the non customer focused roles. Not permanent or ongoing but in my mind it is a better foot in the door for getting one of these permanent roles than is dealing with customers.
The other ‘no’ concerned one of my volunteering roles. The positions had been put on hiatus due to Covid restrictions and are due to come back next month (restrictions permitting). I was going to go back but realised that with paid work, other volunteering positions that are feeding my happiness and allocated time for my puppy and family, I just didn’t have time left for another customer focused role that, while it was a worthwhile position that aids the community, did not bring me personal joy. I am still going to do the part of my role that organised stuff (very much a happy place for me) but I will not be dealing with the public or committing myself to a time or place to do things. It will be done when it needs to be done, but not with a set time slot. I can flex to suit my other commitments and do it at a time that suits me.
So, I have said ‘no’ twice. The world did not end. I have not destroyed all chances of ever doing something worthwhile. AND I FEEL HAPPIER ABOUT IT. It feels good to prioritise me and my wants and needs. There is still this little voice in the back of my head that is saying ‘but you are letting people down’, but it has to learn that I am just as important as everyone else. I know there is more for it to learn after that but we are taking baby steps here and I don’t want it freaking out by the size of the task ahead.
I'm not broken 