Waiting for the Other Shoe To Drop

This says so much about me and some of my baggage.

As I said in my last post, my mentor and I have started a facebook group for local autistic adults. We are going well. We have over 30 members, the group has agreed on what we need for rules and I have posted those. It is all set up and going well. The paranoid bit of me with way too much baggage is waiting for the first signs of ‘thanks for doing that but we really don’t think you fit with this group’.

And that says so much about my life. Why I find myself with so few friends and such a limited support network. I didn’t realise how many times I must have been hurt before for this to be such an issue now.

I have no reason to suspect that these wonderful people would do that to me except for the fact that so many people must have done it in the past. The only thing that is stopping me from packing up and running from this group as fast as I can is me keeping reminding myself that I have never interacted with a group of all autistic people before. These people, individually or as a group (or kind) have never taken advantage of me.

My self preservation (with baggage) is in a struggle for control with my self preservation (I need a community). I want my community to win.

In the meantime I will just keep swimming and hope there is a time I realise that the shoe is never going to drop.

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