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An Incredible Lightness in Being

So, yesterday I got my official results. It gave me a great sense of peace. The report was factual. I could not disagree with anything it stated. This morning I woke up happy. It is corny, but today is the first day of the rest of my life. And it is MY life again. I am autistic, and if people have a problem with that then it is their problem, not mine.

So, to telling the family

My sister was just an update. She did my family questionnaire, so she knew what was going on. Older brother was cool, he had suspected he might be for a while but hadn’t done anything about finding more information. Guess what he has been up to today? Younger brother seemed indifferent, as in ‘Why are you telling me this?’. Dad was fine, but as he is somewhat deaf and I had to tell him by phone I had the joy of the info being relayed through my step-mother – “When did you get autism? I thought that was only something kids got”. She is nothing like my mother was, but Mum was autistic too, we just didn’t know it. My daughter was fine. She got her diagnosis earlier this year after I told her I was going for one.

My husband has read my report. There have been questions to aid understanding. How could I tell someone I barely knew so many details that he barely knew about me? (Not an accusation, just a request for information) If I could not lay myself bare before this person I would never know the truth. I had to trust my psychologist, if I could not, I could not be diagnosed properly. I have never lied to my husband, there are just some truths that are too big or too personal to share out of context, and if context never arose they were not secrets, just not yet shared. He is still processing everything and now understands why I needed to shut down after my diagnosis sessions.

My daughter’s actual response when I messaged her my results was ‘Woo?’. She gets it. She was diagnosed as level 1, venturing into level 2 when stressed or tired. My diagnosis, Asperger’s in the old terminology, level 2 with high levels of masking in the new terminology.

So yes, I am autistic and I am happy about it. And now, the true journey begins.

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